Matt Lance

i am also the chariot.

2002-03-01T18:56:10Z

i am also the chariot.

2002-03-01T18:56:09Z

starnge thoughts.

2002-03-01T18:40:00Z

1. Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
2. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.
3. I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
4. I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
5. Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
6. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
7. Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
8. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
9. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea where she is.
10. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
11. One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
12. They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
13. A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" I said, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too".

30 reasons why it rules to be a guy.

2002-02-25T01:32:30Z

30- Your a** is never a factor in a job interview.
29- Your orgasms are real. Always.
28- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
27- You can be president.
26- You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
25- You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
24- Car mechanics tell you the truth.
23- Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
22- You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just to icky.
21- Same work... more pay.
20- Wrinkles add character.
19- You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
18- Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
17- People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
16- The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
15- New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
14- Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
13- Your socks are not attached to your underpants.
12- Your phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
11- A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
10- You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
9- You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
8- If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
7- Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
6- If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
5- Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
4- You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking, "He must be mad at me."
3- If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
2- You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
1- Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

i dont know if i agree with all of them but its still pretty funny.

the next austin powers movie.....

2002-02-16T23:50:48Z

It was called "goldmember" but they were like sued by the guys that do bond so they have to think of a new name. =(

very funny stuff.

http://www.austinpowers.com/video_large.html

basic rules for driving.

2002-02-16T21:55:43Z

1- Turn signals will give away your next move. A real driver never uses them.

2- Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

3- Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered going with the flow.

4- The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.

5- Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will inevitably result in you being rear ended. If you want your insurance company to pay for a new rear bumper, come to a complete stop at all stop signs.

6- A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction barrels.

7- Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.

8- Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.

9- Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and are apparently not enforceable during rush hour.

10- Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over, doesn't mean that a driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

11- It is traditional to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.

12- Remember that the goal of every driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.

im the ultimate action dude.

2002-02-16T06:18:16Z

+

Which Action Star Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

i knew it!!! hahaha, im the man.

2002-02-14T05:55:36Z

Would you survive a horror movie? Find out @ She's Crafty

No psycho slayer is going to get between you and your right to life. You're an ass-kicker, a charge taker, and if need be, a monster masher. You're level-headed in sticky situations, you trust yout instincts, and you're not afraid to get a little dirty while getting the job done. Simply put, you rock! But don't get carried away. Even though your little brother might act like a creep sometimes, you definately shouldn't be driving stakes through his heart!

calibret0 @ 2002-02-14T01:00:00

2002-02-14T05:48:50Z

If anyone can think of a good outlet that i could take up to get vent anger. i would love to hear it.
i really need to stop balling it up.
please comment with suggestions.
its gotta be something i can do here.
(no writing/literature.)

................

2002-02-14T05:46:24Z

well shit,
its valentines day.

Bert? Bert?!! say something Bert...!!

2002-02-13T15:15:48Z

Are you Addicted to the Internet?

63%

Hardcore Junkie (61% - 80%)
While you do get a bit of sleep every night and sometimes leave the house, you spend as much time as you can online. You usually have a browser, chat clients, server consoles, and your email on auto check open at all times. Phone? What's that? You plan your social events by contacting your friends online. Just be careful you don't get a repetitive wrist injury...

The Are you Addicted to the Internet? Quiz at Stvlive.com!

I am ERNIE.

You are fun, friendly,
and popular. You are a real crowd pleaser. You
have probably been out on the town your share of times, yet
you come home with the values that your
mother taught you. Marriage and children are important to you, but
only after you have fun. Don't let the people you please
influence you to stray.

Which Sesame Street Character Are You?

hazenut hair.....

2002-02-11T18:56:18Z

well
ive decided i am fickle, at least when it comes to relationships.
ill explain.
everyone that really knows me knwos that i have unnecessarily high standards.
but added to that.
my emotions when it comes to love can change in an instance.
for instance:
i have tried to break up (unsuccessfully) twice with autumn.
i always change my mind by the end.
but i was getting tired of her.
but today she showed up with her dyed hair that you all might rememebr form a update a while back. and now it is a light hazenut color. it was a dark brown.
but the point is that now i have a renewed want to work things out. it just hit me as soon as i saw her. it was weird.

so im gonne try to see her tonight.
who knows.
i might be typing tomarrow that i dont like her again.
who knows.

your friendly neighborhood Mattman.

hmmm, brown.....coulda been a better color but i like the qualities.

2002-02-11T18:49:50Z

Take the What Color Dragon Should You Ride? Quiz

Made By: myway and teza

calibret0 @ 2002-02-11T13:28:00

2002-02-11T18:29:13Z

just 80 days until spiderman.

"I lost my nerve...."

2002-02-08T03:18:38Z

Here's to songs the fit my life pretty well right now.

"Self Esteem"-Offspring

I wrote her off for the tenth time today
And practiced all the things I would say
But she came over
I lost my nerve
I took her back and made her dessert
Now I know I'm being used
That's okay man cause I like the abuse
I know she's playing with me
That's okay cause I've got no self esteem
We make plans to go out at night
I wait till 2 then I turn out the light
All this rejection's got me so low
If she keeps it up I just might tell her so
When she's saying that she wants only me
Then I wonder why she sleeps with my friends
When she's saying that I'm like a disease
Then I wonder how much more I can spend
Well I guess I should stick up for myself
But I really think it's better this way
The more you suffer
The more it shows you really care Right?
Now I'll relate this a little bit
That happens more than I'd like to admit
Late at night she knocks on my door
Drunk again and looking to score
Now I know I should say no
But that's kind of hard when she's ready to go
I may be dumb
But I'm not a dweeb
I'm just a sucker with no self esteem

---------------------------------------------------------------

"Shes got issues"-Offspring

I'm seeing this girl and she just might be out of her mind
Well she's got baggage and it's all the emotional kind
She talks about closure and that validation bit
I don't mean to be insensitive, but I really hate that shit

Oh man she's got issues
And I'm gonna pay
She thinks she's the victim
Yeah

Now I know she'll feel abandoned
If I don't stay over late
And I know she's afraid to commit
But it's only our second date

Oh man she's got issues
And I'm gonna pay
She thinks she's the victim
But she takes it all out on me

I don't know why you're messed up
I don't know why your whole life is a chore
Just do me a favor
And check your baggage at the door

Now she talks about her ex nonstop, but I don't mind
But when she calls out his name in bed
That's where I draw the line
You told me a hundred times how your father left and he's gone
But I wish you wouldn't call me daddy
When we're gettin' it on

Oh man she's got issues
And I'm gonna pay
She's playing the victim
And taking it all out on me
My god she's got issues
And I'm gonna pay

If you think I'm controlling
Then why do you follow me around
If you're not co-dependent
Then why do you let others drag you down

I don't know why you're messed up
I don't know why your whole life is a chore
Just do me a favor
And check your baggage at the door

Top 10 pick up lines ever!

2002-02-07T07:34:59Z

10- Could I touch your belly button... from the inside?
9- If you were a burger at McDonald's, I'd call you McBeautiful.
8- Your parents must be retarded, because you are special.
7- My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.
6- How do you like your eggs: poached, scrambled, or fertilized?
5- You remind me of a championship bass, I don't know whether to mount you or eat you!
4- Your tag says Made in USA, but I could have sworn you were made in heaven.
3- I hope you have a library card because I'm checking you out.
2- Excuse me, do you have a Band-Aid because I scraped my knee when I fell for you.
1- I lost my teddy bear. Will you sleep with me?

hehe
good times..good times...

ok Tink, let her have it....

2002-02-04T19:55:48Z

http://www.apple.com/trailers/disney/return_to_neverland/

so sweet.
cant wait.

calibret0 @ 2002-02-03T18:25:00

2002-02-03T23:23:48Z

Take the What Pulp Fiction Character Are You? quiz.</p>

i welcome comments especially if u disagree...

2002-02-03T23:14:36Z

soo im watching the super bowl pregame thingy. (only for the commercials thank you).
and the theme is "america".
im all about that but it started to get tacky.
i knwo it sounds wierd but..
heres a good example:

theyre doing some short little skit thing where they are talking about "american heros" and how wonderful they are.
they show men from military, presidents, firemen, police men, ...then they show some football player. some running back or something.
and theyre like, "heros blah blah blah" and they keep showiung football players.
i was so pissed i almost turned off the tv.
but then i remembered that the commercials were about to come on.

please tell me im not crazy when i think this is wrong.

what is football anyway?
"oh, lets watch a bunch of men grab at each other while we pay them waaaaaaaayyyy to much (which should be going to police or military or something like that). Men that if they werent able to do this crap would probably be in jail.men that arent worth much if u look in their heart (for the most part)."

it just pisses me off.

as i wright this they continue to say that they are heros and are soooo great.

....grrrrrr...

welll...

2002-02-03T23:11:15Z

well
i dont really follow footbal much but the team i was gonna bet on won.
wee...i guesss.
im like the only person here that is kinda happy.
everybody and their mother wanted the rams to win.

what a great game that was, at least that is what everyone is saying, i have no basis for comparison.
theyre saying it the best super bowl ever.

whatever...

might as well get on this bus....

2002-02-03T01:35:36Z

What Kind Of Pokemon Are You?

You're the smart, cheeky Terriermon!
He has a smart answer for everything, says exactly what he thinks, and has
no real concept of manners. Though he's small, with the right
digicards, he can really cause some damage!

im to lazy to keep going
ive taken about 20 quizes and only like every 10th has something u can post.
dang it

calibret0 @ 2002-02-01T21:56:00

2002-02-02T02:57:49Z

this has got to be the earliest ive gone to sleep since like 9th grade....probably before.

hmmmmm

calibret0 @ 2002-02-01T16:35:00

2002-02-01T21:36:46Z

90 days until spiderman!!!

wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.....huf puffff....wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...!!!

schoooooolllll...

2002-02-01T06:54:56Z

i suck at this.
school really isnt that hard its just hard for me to make myslef do this stuff.
i had 3 papers to do tonight
i did 2 which took me 8 hours caus ei did everything in my power to slack off.
so now i have one due tomarrow at 4 and i get out of class at 2 which gives me only 2 hours to do a 4 page paper for lit 102.
maybe ill pull it off...
who knows.

Jude=Matman, just in case u couldnt figure that out for yourself.

2002-02-01T06:48:22Z

Hey Jude don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better

Hey Jude don't be afraid
You were made to go out and get her
The minute you let her under your skin
Then you begin to make it better
And anytime you feel the pain
Hey Jude refrain
don't carry the world upon your shoulders
For well you know that it's a fool
Who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder
Da da da da da da da da da

Hey Jude don't let me down
You have found her now go and get her
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better

So let it out and let it in
Hey Jude begin
you're waiting for someone to perform with
And don't you know that it's just you
Hey Jude you'll do
The movement you need is on your shoulder
Da da da da da da da da da

Hey jude don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her under your skin
Then you'll begin to make it better,
better, better, better, better, better,
Oh, da da da da da da da Da da da da
Hey Jude
Da da da da da da Da da da da Hey Jude...